Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like “posts that a gnome would make” or like “are you a phone”
Photographer Gunarto Song captured a remarkable photo of a meteor falling “into” a volcano (
Mount Merapi, the most active volcano in Indonesia), and the resulting shot looks like there’s a green beam of light shooting up from the crater. (SOURCE)
never ask a master origami artist to roll the joint. just watched two and a half grams of 31% indica dominant hybrid get turned into a beautiful hummingbird and fly away into the sunset
loved being like 12 years old and making an OC and saying “yeah they’re a hardened criminal. they’re deeply involved in crime. they’re in a gang” and then never elaborating on that because i didn’t know how crime worked. this is still my approach
Kevin’s mom: *hyperventilating into a paper bag* I can’t believe I left my son home alone, he has to be so terrified, my poor baby boy all alone I need to go get him-
Kevin: *actively planning to commit war crimes*
There are, at every turn, adults trying to help Kevin. He is not trapped in that house, he goes shopping like three times. He convinces the pizza delivery guy that there’s an old guy there trying to murder him. Kevin knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing and what he is doing is psychological warfare
Petition to make Home Alone a PG-13 movie at LEAST so the Wet Bandits can call Kevin a little shit on-screen
Actually no. Rated R. I want to watch Kevin kill a man
It started out as a random burglary but the SECOND Kevin shot that dude in the dick it became personal
I just realized that like. Until the end of the movie Kevin never figured out his family straight up forgot him at home. He truly thought he had fucking magicked them away with his wish that night and that he had magic powers. No wonder the kid was so full of hubris with those robbers he had the power of God and Santa on his side
Okay movie’s over. I have unironically and genuinely come to the conclusion that Kevin is a child prodigy and will possibly the most intelligent person on the planet once he’s full grown. Not only is he able to outsmart the Wet Bandits (great name), he outmaneuvers the police, shoplifts at least once, and rigs up multiple contraptions including a fake house party, a get-chickened fan+feather combo, and a homemade door-activated flamethrower. He does this all while convincing everybody that he’s just a tiny helpless kid.
In fact, at the beginning of the movie, Kevin has his entire extended family convinced he’s so helpless he can’t even pack a suitcase. I bet him attacking Bud and getting sent to his room early was a ploy to keep from having to share the bed with his bed-wetting cousin. At the end of the movie, one of his cousins says something like “Kevin went shopping? He can’t even tie his shoelaces!” This kid is playing his entire family like puppets and they have no idea
Like hell it does, that is reads like a 6k post at best. There’s no bit, no clown to gang up on. This post plays into the website’s deep appreciation of Kevin McAllister and his sadism but that can only take us so far. Study tumblr theory and come back to be the clown this post will ride to 40k if you truly want to bring us to victory. And also me to deep shame for having a viral post about Kevin fucking McAllister
Watching you suspiciously. Have I made myself the clown of the post again I cannot be three for three on this dude
Hey what are you doing. Hey.
Heritage Post
THIS POST HAS BEEN AROUND LESS THAN TWENTY FOUR HOURS
Seeing Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian content always makes me emotional, but when people make it seem like there’s a universe where Jin Ling would love Wei Wuxian more than Jiang Cheng—
Jiang Cheng raised that boy on his back. He went through trauma after trauma and yet dedicated his everything to raising Jing Ling
Jiang Cheng went to Lanling and said “so sorry your heir was killed by the Ghost General, anyways, I’m taking his son to a ruined Lotus Pier for half the year because I’m his uncle and will fight every single one of you—”
Put some damn respect on my man’s name.
That’s Jiang “Im A Sect Leader But I Will Follow My Nephew In His Nighthunts” Cheng
Jiang “Who made you cry?” Cheng
Jiang “I’m his uncle, any last words?” Cheng
Get it right.
“But JC keeps threatening to break his legs!! Of course WWX is better!”
WWX never raised a child. I’d not trust him with a kid. He’s the fun uncle you love to visit, but when the night is dark and a sound happens, you call for your parents.
